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Every Valentine’s day, one of my dearest friends, also a music therapist, Darci Fontenot, puts together a list of love songs for her friends to listen to get in the “Lovin’” mood. As the day grew closer this time around, I found myself waiting with excited anticipation of what auditory aphrodisiacs the list would have on it this year. And, I thought it would be a cool way to share the love if I asked other friends (and you) about their favorite love songs.

So, here is what I received, click on the link to take you to the song. Beginning with a taste of the “Lovin Mix” list from Darci Fontenot, MT-BC:

“Hmmmm… my favorite that is hard but I can tell you I keep finding myself singing ‘Toothpaste Kisses’ (by the Maccabees) and ‘How Glad I Am,‘ a cover from The Living Sisters. If I had to pick my favorite love song ever I would probably have to go back to ‘All You Need is Love’ by the Beatles, which is why we played it at our wedding, I love that it is a song about Love, but its speaks about Love in a broader sense (not just love between a couple), and I do believe that Love can be a catalyst for so many great things, and we could all use a little more love in our world. “Love is all you need.” Along that same line though, for the (list) I was also really excited when I found Bjork with the Dirty Projectors, (‘On and Ever Onward’) that came out last year. I liked how the song was again talking more about love from a broad perspective. Love in nature and Love being ‘all around us.’ “

And now from friends near and far:

From Sue, in Boston, “Can’t help falling in love with you” by Elvis, “Don’t leave home” by Dido, and “I will love you” by Fisher

From Dave Good, Writer for the San Diego Reader; “Nothing profound here:  “Dance the Night Away” by Van Halen for the sheer joy and teenage exuberance of it.” You can read some of Dave’s interviews and stories here.

From Dr. Gina Simmons at the Manage Anger Daily Blog, “My husband and I love Michael McDonald’s ‘Our Love,’ This song reminds me of the timelessness and permanence of true love.”

From Elliott, in Tucson, “‘At Last’ by Etta James is as romantic as it gets.”

From Robin, in San Diego, Massive Attack’s, “Unfinished Sympathy,” and Lonestar’s, “Amazed.”

From Erik, in San Diego, “Let’s Stay Together,” by Al Green.

From Lesley, in San Diego, “Anything by Dave Matthews Band”! (So, I picked, “Steady as we go.”)

And from me, Imelda May’s, “Falling in Love with You Again.” This is a song I fell in love with because of its directness and its tribute to long lasting love.

Michael Franti and Spearhead, singing, “Say Hey (I Love You).” This one makes me want to move my feet and love everybody!

At different times in my life, I’ve also written a couple of love songs, I’m going to put myself out there and share them too. Enjoy!

I Love Rainbows

This Love

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE LOVE SONGS?? Comment with your favorites!

Part 2

Music Therapy Intervention for Teens in Mental Health: Valentine’s Day is a great time to talk about boundaries and healthy relationships. I know, everyone groans when they hear the “b” word, especially if you’re 15 and in a psychiatric hospital. But, honestly, talking about boundaries with teens can be a little more fun with some love songs. You can play a couple of songs and compare the relationships and boundaries expressed in the songs. Some music is downright stalker-ish (“Every Breath You Take,” no offense to Police), and others are songs that you hope someone will quote from someday (“I’m Falling in Love with You Again,” by Imelda May). This time can also be used to discuss what the perfect relationship looks like. You may even have your client or group make a list of values and what one wants in a relationship. Below, I’ve listed some songs that can be used to explore healthy and unhealthy relationships and breakups.

As mentioned in my previous blog, Hawthorne Heights, “Ohio is for Lovers,” to talk about poor coping with a break-up, but also how it feels to break up.

Aaliyah’s, “Try Again” “Believe,” sung by Cher, “I Will Survive,” Beyonce or Aretha, or “Knock You Down,” by Keri Hilson can be used to discuss more positive coping.

“21 Questions” by 50 Cent is a great song to talk about values, loyalty, positive communication, and exploring the “what ifs.”

For talking about acknowledgment of the pain and acceptance of the end of a relationship, try, “Last Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley.

On waiting until the time is right to be together, you can use, “Hey There Delilah,” by the Plain White Tees.

When I do these groups, sometimes I couple it with a reading. I’ve found that structuring the group around something academic, like a reading from a book is calming and focusing to the group. I’ve used passages from Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens, by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. One of these is, “Don’t sweat the breakups.” This is important stuff, kids with poor coping and extra stress in their lives can get demolished by teen relationships gone awry. I see a lot of kids who are admitted to the hospital on a 3-day hold after getting into an argument or breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Warmly,

Davida Price, MS, MT-BC

Davida is a psychotherapist in private practice and a board certified music therapist.

Follow Davida on Twitter at BlissMusicTx

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“Angry music.” What comes to mind? Loud, pulsating rhythms, perhaps screaming vocals, electric everything. When we hear “angry music” we know it, even if the lyrics and intent of the music is not anger, there is this genre of music that includes heavy metal, deathcore, punk, screamo, sometimes progressive rock, and often many other genres wherein there are just ticked off lyrics, “angry girls,” and dissed boys. We probably know someone that listens to it, maybe we listen to it, or we did in our younger days, when we were more “pumped up,” as one of my friends recently said.

In this blog, I’m going to explore the music in the aforementioned genres, with the louder, faster, rhythms and electric instruments, bands such as Slipknot, System of a Down, Korn, La Quiete, and Suicide Silence. What is so interesting to me about this music is that when I ask people (usually teens and young adults) why they like this music, often the response is “it calms me down.” Or as one of my clients mentioned as he wrapped his earphones around his ipod, “I can put on my earphones and it shuts everything else out.” I’ve even had adults tell me this. I’ve had soldiers tell me that this kind of music was what they listened to in Iraq, to prepare themselves for combat.

Personally, that music makes me anxious, it makes my heart rate increase, I want to leave, I feel harassed and assaulted by someone else’s stuff, and it brings up all my insecurities, all my, pardon the expression, “sh*t.”

What is this about? How can a form of music that makes one person want to jump out of their skin make another person feel relief? Well, I have a couple of theories of why some of us use this “angry” music for concentration and to relax. First, let’s characterize the type of music that we’re talking about so that we have a clear picture of it: 1) loud, sometimes frantic, rhythmic drumming, 2) guttural, sometimes screamed vocals, 3) electric instruments, that reach volumes unmatched by any acoustic instrument, and 4) intriguing, sometimes scary, angry, defiant, rebellious personas.

Okay, so, theory number one: When we listen to loud, pounding rhythms, we are not instantly relaxed. However, this music “trips the switches in the oldest part of the brain, the part that quickly reacts with a fight-or-flight program, stimulating the release of adrenaline. . .what the reptile brain processed as a series of potentially dangerous noises, the midbrain perceives as rhythm” (Hart & Lieberman, 1991, p. 48). At first, we’re terrified, the brain releases adrenaline, we feel alive and alert, ready to run. But then our modern brain cuts in and says, “no, no, this is cool, you’re okay, it’s just your favorite band, don’t run, dance!”

I have no way of back this up, but it’s also possible that you relax simply because your brain gets so stimulated that it begins to stop responding to all the different stimuli. Ridiculous?  I don’t know, I once had a client tell me that he used to love to listen to heavy metal on a seven hour drive from San Diego to San Francisco, during a time in his life when he took this drive frequently. He found that at first, he thought this music would keep him more alert, but found that when he listened to this music, he would arrive at his destination seven or eight hours later, more tired.

Slipknot: Wait and Bleed, youtube with music only: Slipknot: Wait and Bleed

(Anecdote: This song was actually requested from me when a couple of soldiers were because they listened to it before combat. This fits into the human tradition of using loud drumbeats to encourage the troops, however, back in the day, drums were played aloud (not in earphones) and used to frighten the enemy.)

Theory Two: This is similar to theory one, but this has to do with if you come to the music feeling stressed.  According to Levitin, in A World in Six Songs, when we are stressed, Cortisol builds up in our bodies because in ancient times, this would assist us in the fight or flight response to danger. However, nowadays, we do not fight or flight, rather the buildup of Cortisol in our bodies results in gastrointestinal problems and a plummet in our immune systems. However, “this may well be one of the reasons why we move our feet or snap our fingers when we hear music. . . Through these movements we burn off excess energy that could otherwise be toxic.  .  . Some of the energy we feel during music playing and listening is then expended in the increase mental activity. Finger snapping, hand clapping, and foot tapping help us burn off the rest, unless of course we actually get up and dance” (Levitin, 2008, p. 101).

Theory number three: Okay, so a lot of adults in their 30s and up love “angry music.” But let’s face it, it’s the teens and 20-somethings that like it the most. Why is this? Well, if you consider the developmental stage of a young adult, you’ll quickly realize that this is the period in which children begin to assert their independence, friends are important, parents are not so important, limit testing is the norm, experimentation begins, and moodiness reigns. This is a time when an individual is trying to identify how he or she differentiates from his or her parents, the authorities, and how he or she fits in or doesn’t fit in into society. The teen, most often, wants to be different. What’s the easiest way to be different? You got it, listen to music that mom and dad hates! Ha! But there’s more to this, often the personas of the musicians push limits and boundaries of convention and create the opportunity for an adolescent to imagine and live life outside of limits.

Additionally, teens are beginning to see how the world is not always fair and this is very hard to understand because they are developmentally (brain-wise) still just kids, so they just FEEL LIKE SCREAMING!!! So this music comes in and takes the scream out of them, so they don’t have to. I’ve had lots of kids express this exact fact, that the music itself seems to absorb their anger, resentment, or sadness.

Ohio is for Lovers with lyrics: Ohio is for Lovers

The Big Caution: Everything in Moderation. If your teen listens to some “angry” music on occasion mixed in with some oldies, R&B, and indie rock, this would be considered somewhat typical. However, according to Roberts, D., Christenson, P., & Gentile, D. (2003) “there is substantial evidence that adolescents who are depressed, angry, alienated, experiencing suicidal thoughts, having family problems, abusing drugs or alcohol, or having difficulty at school constitute a group that is particularly drawn to the sort of angry, nihilistic music that celebrates these “troubled” states and traits.” Therefore, if this is the only type of music your teen seeks, you may want to seek some professional assistance.

Violent Music Videos May Stimulate Aggression. In another article, the author discusses a study in which two groups of college students were asked to watch a music video, then answer a questionnaire. The study found that those who watched a more violent music video responded with more aggressive answers in their questionnaire. In contrast, those who were asked to watch more lighthearted music video expressed significantly less aggression (if any) in their questionnaire responses. This concluded that violent rap and rock music videos contribute to aggressive attitudes and behaviors in society. (Tropeano, 2006)

Music Therapy Interventions using “Angry Music”:

1) Slipknot’s, “Wait and Bleed”: Use this song in exercises that explore how various stimuli affect moods and thoughts. Generally, you would play this song in a series of three to five songs. Other songs that you might include could be the Beatles, “Let it Be,” and a more soothing instrumental (I often just improvise on the piano, but you might try a Liszt piece or Yann Tiersen’s Valse D’Amelie, from the movie, Amelie). Have your clients do a sentence completion exercise while listening to the various types of music, being sure to distinguish which sentence they are completing during which song. Another idea is to draw to the music. In this intervention, often I have them draw first a direct response to the music, then while listening a second time, draw an opposite response. This practices thought stopping and opposite thinking. Then process how the music (the external stimuli) affected people’s thoughts and responses.

2. Using Hawthorne Heights, “Ohio is for Lovers”: I have used this song in lyric analysis because it beautifully demonstrates how a teen feels when dumped and is a great way to talk about positive versus negative coping skills, poor boundaries, magnification, and negative labeling. Again, I use this song as one of two to four examples. The other examples may be songs that demonstrate positive coping, or positive boundaries, such as “Strength, Courage, and Wisdom,” by India Arie, or “Knock you Down,” by Keri Hilson.

Books and Articles:

Hart, M. & Lieberman, F. (1991). Planet drum. San Francisco, CA: HarperCollins Publishers.

Levitin, D. (2008). The world in six songs. New York, NY: Dutton.

Roberts, D., Christenson, P., & Gentile, D. (2003). The effects of violent music on children and adolescents. In D.A. Gentile (Ed), in Media violence and children: A complete guide for parents and professionals. (pp. 153-170). Westport, CT: Praeger Publishers.

Tropeano, E. (2006). Does rap or rock music provoke violent behavior? Journal of Undergraduate Psychological Research, 1, 31-34.

Thanks!

Davida

Davida Price is a therapist and music therapist in San Diego. For more information go to www.blissmusictherapy.com

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I recently had a man come into my music therapy group, report that he was “frustrated,” and he picked up a rainstick, played it for the entirety of the music making time, then at the end of group said that he understood how the group could help others, but it just didn’t do anything for him.

Afterwards, I reflected on this. You say you’re frustrated, then you pick up a tool that is intended to sound like rain and that takes minimal exertion to play, and you think that the intervention is useless for you. Well, if you think about it, that totally makes sense, of course that person didn’t think he got much out of the group.

In life, it is essential that we select the right tools to express ourselves, release our pain or hurt, and to help us overcome our sadness or dissatisfaction in life. Playing an instrument is incredibly powerful, but you have to select the right one. In this case, I gave the client the power to choose what would be most beneficial to him, not realizing until later that I perhaps should have encouraged a different “tool.”

Here’s the thing, if you feel frustrated, that is a high vibration feeling, that feeling wants to move, it wants to get out of your body and act in some way in the world. So picking up a tool that gives that energy nowhere to go is going to by default make you feel stifled, you’re going to get nothing out of it. However, if you pick up a tool that allows for the frustration to be released and move, then you may feel better afterward. For example, if this client had picked up a drum and hit it with some force, there would have been action, which would have been more consistent in its response to the client’s reported mood and it would have allowed that action oriented mood to go somewhere.

What are our action oriented moods? The first moods that come to mind when thinking of “action,” are anger, frustration, excitement, and happiness. Since they are action oriented, these moods need to be met with a tool that allows for the movement of this active energy. For these moods, it makes sense to bang on a drum, make a loud sound, and by doing so, transfer that active energy.

In contrast, there are “slower” moods. Which would these be? Perhaps sadness, but even contentment could be a “slower” mood. With these moods, you need to express them with more tenderness, slowness. For these moods, it would make sense to pick up a rainstick or ocean drum and soothe that energy.

Okay, so you’re still not into the whole music thing. What other things that can be used as positive tools for our action oriented moods?  For active emotions, perhaps sports, listening to loud and fast music, simply throwing or bouncing a ball, even punching a pillow.

For the “slower” moods, try yoga, prayer, a mindful walk, going to a garden or museum, going to a coffee shop, or reading a book.

The idea is to be able to identify how your feeling and accurately express that feeling so that you can work with it. This is especially important for the feelings that are although important, can become destructive if not allowed to move in the right way. For example, if you are angry, often, you cannot in the moment, sit down and read a book, it just feels wrong, but going for a run, will help that energy to release in a positive way so that you can move with it and allow it to propel you in a positive direction.

What do you do to release your “active” or “slow” emotions? Leave your comment!

Thanks and Happy New Year!

Davida

Davida Price, MS, MT-BC works in private practice providing psychotherapy and music therapy in San Diego, CA.

Follow Davida on Twitter at BlissMusicTx

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Have a lovely, musical Day!

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In my work, I run into lots of different kinds of people and I try to encourage them to engage in music. This is really hard. Why? Because most of us, even musical and artistic people, think something along the lines of this:  “Why would any level-headed, non-musician, non-hippie, middle-of-the-road adult come to a drum or music circle or engage in any kind of group music making?”

I saw it last night, I was providing a community music therapy circle at a local art gallery. I would beckon people (who were staring and smiling) to come join us and they would laugh and walk on, I wasn’t selling anything, I was inviting people to come play with instruments (later in the night I ended up calling them toys, this seemed less scary to outsiders). At work, many times, I run into people being so discomforted by the prospect of music making that they leave the room before I give any type of introduction, just seeing the instruments is so threatening that they feel it necessary to exit.

In fact, all of these things go through most people’s heads when faced with the prospect of playing music in a group (such as a drum circle):

1. I’m going to embarrass myself.
2. Playing music takes talent.
3. I don’t have any rhythm.
4. I’m not musical.
5. I haven’t played an instrument since middle school.
6. It’s going to be loud and chaotic.
7. How is that going to help me?
8. That’s for kids.
9. I’m not in the mood.
10. That looks like fun, but I could never do it, it’s not my thing, it’s way outside of my comfort zone!

See, so if you’re someone who has encountered a Community Music Circle of some kind, you are among most people who think these things. But, here’s the thing, these are all myths! “What?!! But that’s how I feel!” Yep, they’re all myths.

Don’t worry though, you’re not alone. Below, I’ve re-written the above thoughts with process questions that you are welcome to consider.

Debunking Adult Myths About Making Music and Facing our Cognitive Distortions about it:

1. I’m going to embarrass myself. Okay, we’re talking about a community drum or music circle, right? Not a concert at the Metropolitan Opera House. So who is going to judge you besides yourself? Process: Consider why the possibility of embarrassing yourself is such a scary thing. Where did this come from? Who is going to judge you and why do you care?
2. Playing music takes talent. No, it doesn’t. Being a professional musician takes about 10,000 hours of skill-building practice (According to Gladwell in Outliers), but not talent. Playing music for fun just takes listening, being gentle with oneself, and being willing to make mistakes and try again. Process: Where did you learn that you don’t have any musical talent? When was that thought planted into your mind? Why do you believe it?
3. I don’t have any rhythm. Right, you’ve never tapped your foot, clapped your hands at a football game, walked, run, jumped rope, or sung Happy Birthday. If you have a heartbeat, you have rhythm. Perhaps you have not used your innate rhythm much, but it’s there, eager to come out. Process: When did you learn that you don’t have any rhythm? How do you know that you don’t have rhythm? Is this true? What does it mean to “have rhythm”?
4. I’m not musical. Pfft. Really? Is that really true? At the most basic level, your cells are gyrating in rhythm right now, creating a symphony of sounds inaudible to the human ear. We are music. Process: Where did you learn that you are not musical? How does it serve you to believe that you are or are not musical?
5. I haven’t played an instrument since middle school. Okay, well maybe that’s true. . .but most adults have not played an instrument in a structured way since being in school? Process: What was your musical experience like when you were younger? What made it positive or negative? If you could change it now, what would it be like?
6. It’s going to be loud and chaotic. Strangely enough it is initially loud when you enter in, especially if you are not playing along very loudly. However, most people experience that as soon as they “fall in” to the music, they don’t notice the noise because their focus falls into their experience of playing, exerting, and being in rhythm with everyone else. If you do have sensitive ears, no one will think less of you if you wear ear plugs. Process: How will the sound affect you? Is there a concern you have about the sound? What will your experience be like if you become a part of that sound?
7. How is that going to help me? You need to go to my post: Music Therapy Fact Sheet. Process: In what ways do you think this experience will be unhelpful? If you were to try this, what new thoughts and experiences will you be having?
8. That’s for kids. Precisely! Often, it’s been a while since we allowed ourselves to get in touch with our inner child or act child like. This is incredibly liberating! It’s okay to be child-like once in a while. Process: Is it okay for you to act like a child? When was the last time you did something child-like? What will happen if you act like a child?
9. I’m not in the mood. That’s valid. I have to ask though, when you first start an exercise or healthy eating regimen, are you in the mood? Often, it takes our recognizing the benefits of something to “put us in the mood.” Also, try doing some deep breathing to focus your mind and get you grounded and ready to let yourself have fun with the music. Process: What kind of “mood” do you have to be in to play a musical instrument? What is it you are really thinking?
10. That looks like fun, but I could never do it, it’s not my thing, it’s way outside of my comfort zone! You are a smart person, you recognize that it looks fun and that it’s outside your comfort zone. You can do it, your limits are in your mind. Now, just think, if you open one door in your comfort zone, just imagine where you might be able to go! Remember, it’s just a door, you can always jump back into your comfort zone. Process: What is scary about going outside your comfort zone? What could happen? Is that really a danger for you?

What do you think, could you join in a music session sometime? Perhaps start out with tapping on your steering wheel on your way to work. Then, maybe try a small instrument, an egg shaker, or something not as scary. . .Work your way up.

We’ll see you at the next Community Music Therapy Event! -dp

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Thanks to you who have recently added my blog to your subscription list! I am honored that you may make the time to read what I have to write. Please let me know if there is any questions or anything in particular you are curious about! In Harmony, Davida

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